My Story & My Why
Throughout my life, I have been fascinated with the mysterious ways love and power influence our lives. In my early years growing up in Massachusetts, I formed an enduring connection to a warm, loving presence, all while living in a home filled with violence, numbness and emotional neglect. But I knew there was this soft loving presence. It sort of followed me around. It was tender in my heart. I could not name it then, but what I believe I experienced was a divine mothering love that was certainly mystical, but not given through human form.
Too early, I learned that power was held by those who had the greatest ability to dominate. My mother left my father for the last time when I was four. In those years and the years that came after I also learned that dominance is unstable. It is not based on free will. It doesn’t engender loyalty, because too often one is being forced out of fear to submit. I learned that the weak and the empty powerful are both wounded. They are both needy and spiritually thirsty, and although they seem so far apart, they are both unstable in their core and in desperate need of nurturing and grounding in clarifying education and loving presence.
We can get so lost from love’s true path if we live to fulfill or smother our unmet needs but have no sense of ourselves, no connection to our core purpose or the source of our radiance. Both are warped reflections of their true light, living impaired lives that are desperate to receive life force or denying our needs completely.
I was lost for many decades seeking others love, drowning out reactions and painful emotions with alcohol and exterior experiences, belonging to groups that I thought could help me feel a sense of identity. I had moments of knowing and was graced to have received guidance and education on my path that I know now was divinely given for my good.
It took me a long time, decades of my own self development and spiritual pruning to find myself here. Spurred forward in my growth and healing by a deep desire to mother as sacredly as I could the most precious gifts of my life, my children, and then to serve the Love that gave them to me, who had created me for a unique purpose. Unveiled within me was a fierce calling to help others uncover their core radiance and their own connection to the transcendent.
I took me a long time to decide to launch my workshops into the online Training for Radiance program and to begin to write When Love Beckons: My Journey through the Temples and the Trenches of the Sacred, which is still a work in process. Growing up in an environment, I grew stronger with each moment of standing up in the midst of that darkness, a darkness that can chain us even when we are free of the environment. I know now that intimately knowing the presence of darkness has been a gift, a gift to strengthen myself in it’s resistance, to resist submitting to fear because beyond it, I found an expansive, profound laughter and faith that had been with me along. A power larger than any fear lived inside me, lives inside each of us.
Launching the Training for Radiance online program, expanding my live programs, and sharing teaching and insights, are an Inukshuk of sorts, my gift back to humanity. An Inukshuk is a stone sculpture, formed in the shape of a person, that the Inuit would leave along their long desolate journeys through the North American Arctic to guide each other, give companionship, to inform if there was food or shelter nearby and in this case, offer real nourishment and transformation. I love that. Often it can feel like a barren, lonely road of silence, and if in any way I can let another soul know that I have been in a familiar place and be a sign post to nourishment, I have served. Protect and honor your gentleness. Protect all that is soft within you. Honor its power. It is part of something greater than you may understand.
The light within me, honors the light within you.
Kathryn Louise LeBlanc, March 21, 2016